… episode 8

tonight’s episode is brought to you by trojan condoms.

I’m a little late in posting, but can’t wait to watch.  Let’s face it, this is the episode we’ve all been waiting for.  The one where she beds the boys and Frank breaks her heart.  Will he sleep with her first, before the “we need to talk” moment …

let’s find out.

She is about to take the journey of  a lifetime, and have SEX.

LA … Chris, he is starting to fall in love with Ali.  He is ready for love.  Roll the Ali and Chris recap film reel.  I love Chris.  He is like my Honda Civic.  It’s perfect for me.  It fits.  But I’ve had a Honda Civic, I should upgraded shouldn’t I?

Roberto, this is it we are down to the last 3, can’t wait to be the last one.  I have my families blessing.  We can’t keep our hands off each other. I never felt this way this quickly about anyone, it’s a little scary.  Robo is the Hyundai Tucson, I like it.  It looks great.  Everyone, would compliment it. But it might be too much car for me.

Frank, Ali and I have a connection that very few people have, it’s fun it’s sexy … it’s almost as good as my ex girlfriend.  Frank is my current car, that I definitely need to get rid of before it breaks down.

As my feeling for Ali grow, my feelings for my ex girlfriend have grown.  I have been an emotional reck.  It’s killing me that I have feeling for two girls.  He can’t get Nicole out of my head.   He is going to Chicago to see if he is still in love with Nicole. What da hell!  I want to kick the tires on my car.  He couldn’t have done this last week, when he was in Chicago.  This is what I hate about this show.  Exploitation of emotions.  It’s also the main reason I keep watching.

In Chicago …

They are going to drag this out.    On the up, F’ing Frank is making Canadian Wrestler dude look not so bad.  Score one for Canada.

“Hi” Frank  ”What is going on?” worst acting ever award goes to Nicole.  Okay an ex boyfriend arrives at your door, who you haven’t spoken to in months … with a camera crew … and we are meant to believe this is an unscripted surprise?

I think Frank needs therapy.

He is spilling his screwed up damaged heart.  She is sicken, she is shaking at the thought of him being close to another girl. Slap him!

He completes her.  That sounded so much better when Renee Zellweger said it to crazy Tom Cruise.

Why did they break up?  Nicole?  Focus, there must have been a reason why you broke up, FOCUS, then slap him!

They are all gooey eyed, hugging.

Today is exactly what I needed to know I am in love with Nicole.

?????

Everything I have done has lead to this moment.  A journey for love and a turkish rug on a reality show with Ali has made me fall in love with someone else.  Let’s see how he explains this one.

I’m pissed!  There better be a lot of making out scenes to come.  Tonight’s show has some serious redeeming to do.

Tahiti

Tahiti is the perfect place to fall in love … or get dumped.  Poor, poor, deluded Ali.

I am looking forward to my dates with these three guys.  It’s the over night dates, it’s a chance for me to see how we interact … SEX

Robo, is up first.

“I’m so happy” Ali … hang on to this moment girlfriend.

HELICOPTER! I don’t even care, I’m still mad.

They tour the island.  It’s unreal, beautiful.  There is a lagoon shaped like a heart. Too much.

They land, strip off and frolic in the heart shaped lagoon.  Voiceover of Ali explaining their amazing chemistry.

That night … Ali shows up for dinner in a terrible dress. It’s cute, hoochie, with bling.  All wrong.

Deep conversation about their relationship. Whatever.  Get on with it.  Fantasy Suite.

“I’m falling in love with you”  Robo, awesome, he said.  Now go do it.

He acts surprised at the Fantasy Suite card … whatever … this show is pissing me off.

I’ve regrouped.  I hope they have mind blowing all night long sex.

Morning After Ali picks up Chris.

She is taking him by water, in a boat.

They talk about how special his family is. She looks really happy, can’t tell whether it’s Chris or the afterglow.

They swim to the island.

“When the two of us are together I feel like I’m 12.” Chris.

They end the swim with a celebratory make out session.  This would make me more interested in triathlons.

Sunset.  Pearls.

“Our relationship is like a pearl, slow to develop, but given time you could end up with something beautiful.” Ali

She is looking forward to spending more time with him tonight … she is gagging to do him.

The night.

Her outfit is much more casual, less take me now, I forgot my underwear dress she wore with Robo. She is more comfortable with Chris, and feels she needs to vamp it up for Robo.  I should be a therapist.

Fantasy Suite Card … have they even had dinner yet?  He is shocked … has no one seen this show?

“I think…we should go,” Ali

The Fantasy Suite is AMAZING.  Oh, he just mentioned his mom again.  In the suite. Ali is not phased, she just wants to rip his clothes off.  You go girl.  Fingers crossed for wild crazy monkey sex.  I hope he makes the earth shake some much it registers on the Richter Scale.

Frank.  Here to ruin the day.  Break her heart.  And destroy the show.  I’m getting angry again.

He summons Chris Harrison, maybe he can help with this conversation he needs to have with Ali.

The film crew were there in Chicago. The film crew from the show.  This is no shock to Chris.  He is playing it with his usually fabulous pan face.  HIT HIM CHRIS!  DO IT!

“How do you think she is going to take this” Harrison, with a look that says, I can’t believe I am asking this turd this ridiculous question, but they are paying me mega bucks. Carry on.

Frank is playing overdramatic emotionally damaged.  Chris is playing, you are a moron stupid idiot but I can’t say it with the camera running.

“I think you need to tell her.”  Chris

“I need to tell her everything”  boo hoo Frank.

This has taken 10 minutes.  Really?  He wanted to romp in the fantasy suite before telling her. I know it!  He wanted Chris to tell him to do it.   This reality show is so ridiculous.  and still I watch.

To calm my rage, I am imagining Chris beating the bejus out of him the moment the cameras stopped rolling.  You know what would be awesome.  When Ali arrives, Frank has a honking black eye.

Here comes Ali.  I am head over heels for him.

“I am so glad this day is here” … let’s revisit this statement in 12 seconds.

“Ali I need to talk” …. “k” …. “sit down”

He chews her hand.

“What is going on?” Ali

“We had a awesome connection”  HAD … passed tense.

“blah, lies, blah, emotional crap, blah, ex girlfriend, blah, feelings, lies, loser”

“I was falling in love with you, I love her”  which is it dude.

Ali is crying.  This is horrible.

“If you were having these feelings, why didn’t you say something?”  Excellent question Ali.  NOW HIT HIM.

“I gave up everything to be here” Ali … “I gave up everything too.” ?weepy Frank … “Apparently not EVERYTHING!”  Ali … nice one.  NOW KICK HIM

She walks away crying.

More Frank.  Crying.  Babbling. Sobbing

Harrison talks with Ali on the beach.  She is mad.

More crap spewing from Frank.  He takes his suitcase and goes.  A rather large suitcase for a quick drop in break a heart conversation don’t ya think?

Harrison is like the best guy friend ever.  She should take him back to her room and have rebound guilt-free sex with him.

“He’s the biggest jerk I’ve ever know.” well put.

“I feel like there is something wrong with me.” … now she is going to be all screwed up.

How long before TMZ report Frank and Nicole have broken up?

Rose ceremony … big hug from Harrison.  She looks so sad.

She confesses she is scared and unsure now. She is going ahead with the rose ceremony, she needs to know that they want to accept the rose and want to be here.

Stupid television show.

Both guys accept the roses.

She’s happy.

She’s ready to move forward with the two remaining guys. They’re are going to Bora Bora, where her family is, and the boys will be meeting them.

I like the way she handled telling the guys about Asshole Frank. She could have played the sympathy card, but she didn’t. I give her points for that.  All she said was that Frank was gone, and it is what it is. Well done, Ali, and congrats for shagging both the guys.

What do you think of Frank?

Who should Ali pick?

Til next week …